


Shake Your Lonely.

by raccodactyl



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Arthur, During Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support Cowboy, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, References to Depression, Smut, Touch-Starved, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-01-31 21:39:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18599923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raccodactyl/pseuds/raccodactyl
Summary: Blackwater left a sense of emptiness within you that you just couldn't shake. Arthur knew you like the back of his hand, and on a stormy night in close quarters, things take a big change.





	1. Shake Your Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> This might turn into a series, I'm not sure yet.

The move hit hard. You’d lost almost everything you had back in Blackwater and with only a photo of your folks and a few bucks in your pocket, things just didn’t feel right. The winter was absolutely brutal, and after a certain point, you began to question whether it was worth staying around. You had just come down from the mountains and settled into your new, likely temporary home, and a certain emptiness still resonated within you.

 

The night was late and the storm clouds hung heavy over the landscape. Lighting cracked and thunder roared, the sounds of heavy rain pelting the canvas of your tent flooded your ears. You sat on your cot and peaked through the small opening of your tent, watching the trees rustle angrily against the strong winds. With only a flickering candle giving light to your tent, things felt lonely, lonelier than they ever had. There wasn’t an urge to cry, or move, or change anything, just to be stuck here with a feeling in your chest that you just couldn’t shake. Your eyes had yet to feel heavy, no matter the fatigue that left the rest of your body feeling droopy. It seemed you just couldn’t catch a break. Not even your own brain would let you get a minute of peace.

 

No, your brain was occupied. A strong outlaw with hair that caught the caught the sunlight and bright blue-green eyes seemed to be the only real source of something even remotely close to happiness you’d had in a long while. Maybe it was his quick wit or the way he actually seemed to give a damn, but no matter, something about him left a sense of longing within you, and there was no time quite like the dead of night in the middle of a storm for that longing to come in at full force.

 

You jumped a bit when a hand peaked between the canvas flaps without warning. They parted, and jumping through the opening was nothing other than a soaking wet Arthur Morgan, drenched head to toe, barefoot, and dressed in nothing but a worn, faded, black union suit. Before saying a word, he tied part of flaps on your tent closed, breathing heavily and movements clumsy.

 

“Sorry to bust in here on ya,” he said as he caught his breath. “Rain was blowing into my tent and you were the closest.”

 

“I don’t mind,” you said with a chuckle, “Really need to get you into something with sides, don’t we.”

 

“Can’t say I’d mind that,” he replied, pushing back the wet hair that stuck to his forehead. “I’m surprised you’re still awake. It’s gotta be passed one.”

 

“Must be the coffee,” you deflected. “Let’s get you out of those clothes, you’re soaked.”

 

You dug into your trunk to find a spare union suit and passed it to him. He stripped in the corner and you looked the opposite way, making sure to keep your eyes from wandering. He tucked his own into a ball and left it on the ground at the foot of your cot.

 

He didn’t push his question further, only sat down close to you. The trees were still just barely visible through the tied-off flaps but you still managed. They were a sense of comfort in all the chaos that was constantly around you. Trees moved in a way that was predictable, but not in uniform, and something about their movements managed to speak to you in a way words couldn’t. The life of a tree was slow and simple, and maybe you envied them a bit, but who is really to say.

 

“Hey,” Arthur whispered, his voice low with a hint of concern, “You seem miles away.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you replied, almost automatically, “Just got a bit lost in my own head.”

 

He nodded, letting a moment of silence go by before continuing, “You’ve been real quiet for some time now.”

 

“Oh, I just figured you’d be too tired to talk at this hour.”

 

“That’s not what I was getting it,” he said back, “I mean you’ve gone quiet. Been that way for a few months now it seems, but hell, I can barely keep track of my own hat, let alone the time. But…” he let out a sigh, clearly irritated with himself for going off point, “Something’s going on up there,” he gestured toward your head, “You’ve got no obligation to tell me, but, I don’t know, just a bit worried I guess…”

 

Your heart somehow managed to sink a little deeper. No one likes to feel worried about. Someone having a general concern and consideration for your well-being was different, that’s the kind of worry that makes people feel cared about, but this worry, no… This worry wasn’t something to be longed for, only something to make you feel helpless. Was the emptiness that stayed within you finally becoming visible to the outside, or had you been shit at hiding it all along.

 

Although, Arthur was a bit different from the others and seemed to be the only person that could read you like a goddamn book. It grew frustrating at times, knowing he would pop in and be able to tell what you were hiding, but the connection was just about mutual, and you grew to be able to sense when Arthur was doing his usual brooding versus when he needed someone to talk things out with. Your talks weren’t particularly frequent, but he was the only person in the whole wide world to know more than just your surface-level details. You weren’t discussing the weather or the stupid thing one of the boys did earlier, but of personal strife, and it seemed that he could relate better than anyone.

 

“I don’t know,” you sighed, “I’m just off, it seems. Nothing to get worried over, I’m sure I’ll work through it.”

 

“You don’t have to do that on your own,” he replied, the concern still present, but with a sense of light. “You know you can talk to me.”

 

“I know,” you nodded, letting out another sigh. “And I should. But you know me, ‘bout as stubborn and closed-off as they come.”

 

He let out a dry chuckle, “I owned that title for quite some time, and here you come givin’ me a run for my money. That is a real accomplishment, boy.”

 

You felt your lips tug upward, “I’ll take your word for it.”

 

He took a pack of cigarettes from your bedside table and lit it with a match, bringing the stick to his lips before passing it over to you, letting you take in a long drag.

 

“You know, I guess the rain wasn’t the only reason I came in here,” he said after a while of quiet.

 

“That so?”

 

He hummed and nodded his head, “Yeah, I’m afraid so.”

 

“Well your reason can’t be too bad, now can it. You can trust me. Shoot.”

 

“Well, to be quite honest, I guess I… Well, I guess I just missed you,” he said before taking another puff of the smoke. “I missed talking to you. Missed, um, just missed you.”

 

His statement seemed to make you feel something, your heart skipping a beat at the few tentative words. It wasn’t until that moment that you realized just how close you were sitting. The heat radiated from him, leaving your right side with tingles and your head cloudy.

 

“I’ve missed you too,” you whispered back with caution. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant.”

 

“Don’t be,” he said as he lit another cigarette, “You’re alright. Well, scratch that, you’re not alright, but that’s okay. I understand.”

 

You sniffled and tugged at your ear, he really did know you like the back of his hand. There was no hiding from him. He passed over the cigarette and you inhaled, the smoke leaving a familiar and welcomed burn in the back of your throat. The taste of Arthur still lingered on the butt, and maybe it wasn’t exactly him, but smokes always tasted different when you shared with him. Maybe it was the sentiment of it all, somehow managing to cloud all five senses, but no one likes to think they’re in that deep, especially with the likelihood of the feeling not being returned. Nevertheless, you passed the cigarette back and let the taste linger heavy on your lips.

 

Arthur shifted, his knee just barely nudging at yours, but fire from just your leg raged throughout your body, and although you tried your best to conceal it, he could clearly sense the way you tensed up. Much to your surprise, he didn’t back away, no, he was far too brave to do such a thing. Arthur, with effortless confidence and grace, moved an arm around your shoulders.

 

“Don’t go stiff on me,” he whispered, his voice low and a bit gravelly. “Relax. I’m here for you, that’s all.”

 

You hated just how much you needed what he was giving, and you hated just how good it felt to be in his grasp. Worst of all, you hated how you leaned into his touch and took it in as if your life depended on it.

 

“Something’s wrong,” he said, fingers rubbing lazily at your upper arm, “You don’t need to tell me, but I really wish you would.”

 

“Just felt strange since Blackwater,” you let out. “I feel like I’m missing a part of myself. I hate feeling so down all the time, but I can’t pull myself out of it. I feel hopeless, and I know that’s dramatic, but I can’t help it.”

 

“This have something to do with Blackwater?”

 

“I don’t know. It seemed to kick in back in Blackwater. I lost most of my shit back there and the Grizzlies were so goddamn cruel. I guess it’s just poor timing.”

 

“You leave a girl in town,” he asked back.

 

You shook your head, letting out a half-hearted laugh, “No. Not quite. The one I’ve had my eye on is a lost cause, no point in worrying about it, there’s really no hope, but it still stings a bit.”

 

“I know the feeling,” he nodded, “No wonder you’ve gotten quiet. That shit hurts like a bitch.”

 

“Really does,” you sighed.

 

After a few moments, Arthur spoke up again, “Well, tell me about ‘em. What makes them so special to have you stuck in a rut?”

 

Internally, you were panicking, cringing, and probably on the verge of tears, but on the outside, you remained stoic, stifling all of your nervous habits and not daring to even look his direction.

 

“Too far,” he asked in a guilty tone.

 

“No.” you drawled, “Not at all. They’re quite special, though. Seems to know who I am better than I do at times. Unfortunately for me, it doesn’t seem that I’d be of any interest to them, just due to the cards I’ve been dealt. They’re gonna find themselves someone good for ‘em, and as much as I want to resent that hypothetical person, I’d be grateful, because they really do deserve someone to make them happy, and I don’t think I can be the one to provide in that sense.”

 

“Seems you’re neck deep in it,” he said empathetically, letting his arm fall from your shoulders to rest at your lower back, hand still at your side.

 

“That might be an understatement,” you said flatly, the sadness in your voice coming through your greatest efforts to keep it hidden. “I don’t want to dwell on it, but I can’t escape the feeling. I just know that if I were to ever tell them, it would wreck everything, and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I lost what we had.”

 

“What makes you think you’d wreck things,” he asked, “I don’t know how you just saying you’re sweet on someone could turn things around.”

 

“I just know. Things would never be the same between me and them if I ever said something, and shit, I can’t lose him, I really can’t.”

 

“Him,” Arthur questioned.

 

You eyes went wide, you hadn’t realized you slipped. You tried to think of an excuse, but too much time had passed between his question and your answer to make that believable. There was no getting around it, he knew.

 

You just nodded, “Him.”

 

“I understand,” he replied, his response shocking you, but also bringing a sense of peace.

 

“Thank you, Arthur, for… everything.”

 

“No need to thank me, boy,” he smiled, “It’s anything but a chore. And, I know I’m probably pushing here, but, can I ask who?”

 

If your stomach wasn’t already on the ground, it sure was now, and there was no getting around it. You shifted, your eyes finding his, “Do you really need to ask?”

 

He furrowed his brow and you only nodded, and his face then relaxed.

 

“C’mere,” he whispered, his eyes shining bright in the dark.

 

You braced yourself for what was to come, but you were with a gentle hand cupping your jaw. With faces now only inches away, you could feel his breath against your mouth.

 

“Answer me honestly,” he whispered firmly, “Do you want this?”

 

“More than anything in the world.”

 

And with that, he brought his lips to yours in an amateur, unskilled kiss. He tasted the way you dreamt he did with lips softer than you could have imagined. And at that very moment, it felt as if the cold within yourself began to warm up. The kiss could have gone on for a decade, and it still would’ve felt far too short, but of course, the time had to come for you to come up for air.

 

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he spoke, his voice low and warm, “I never thought you would have me.”

 

“You’re the reason I’m still around, Arthur. I’d never want anyone else but you. I don’t feel hollow when I’m with you.”

 

With that, he pulled you into a tight hug. You faced the crook of his neck, taking him like you had longed to for months and not having to hold yourself back from melting into him, “For the love of god, don’t let this be a dream.”

 

“It’s real, darlin’,” he whispered as he ran his hands through your hair, “I promise it is.”

  


He began to speak as you pulled away, “Did you mean all that you said?”

 

“Every word,” you nodded. “You’ve had me in the palm of your hand for months now. You mean everything to me, you really do. It never crossed my mind that you might see me in a similar way.”

 

“I always wanted to be more than just friends, Y/N,” he said honestly, “I never thought you’d have me.”

 

“I was you scared I might’ve ruined things between us.”

 

“You could never. Just don’t go quiet on me again. I really do miss you.”

 

“You won’t be able to get rid of me now,” you smiled, “Don’t worry about having to miss me.”

 

“Is that a threat or a promise,” he teased.

 

“I’m banking on both,” you laughed.

 

“Well, I sure do hope that’s correct.”

 

He moved to lay down on the cramped little cot and you followed soon after, first taking the time to kick off your pants and leaving you in your red union suit. He made room for you to lay with him, resting your head on his bicep. He pulled the blanket over the two of you.

 

The rain was still pelting against your tent and the wind was still whipped harshly against the thin canvas. You twitched at a particularly loud smack of thunder and as if by reflex, he pulled you closer into his chest. You kept a hand gripped to his shirt, but you were finally relaxed.

 

“We’ll shake that lonely heart of yours,” he said, brushing your hair back. “I’ll make damn sure of that.”

 

“Already got a good start,” you hummed.

 

The tired really kicked in, no more words needing to be exchanged. You could feel he was still awake when your eyes finally stayed closed, but you rested easy knowing he was still there. Maybe it was good he learned to read you so well, if it had been anyone else, things could’ve been far worse, but never had you felt better than knowing the man you longed for felt the same way. You were in deep, but it seems he was too. Things would be better.


	2. You're Alright.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur recognizes some of the issues you've been trying to keep under wraps. He just wants to make you comfortable with nothing but your best interest at heart.

You woke up to the feeling of Arthur shifting underneath you. You had ended up in a bit of an odd position as you slept, basically landing yourself on top of him as there was nowhere else to go on the little cot. It was odd waking up to someone else. The normal cold of morning didn’t bite as harshly with the added heat and security of another body. Still, the winds against the soaked canvas of your tent made you shiver. 

“Hey,” he whispered, pulling the blanket you shared up around your shoulders. “You okay?”

“Just cold,” you nodded. 

He shifted his position, laying on his side and wrapping his arms back around you, slinging a leg over yours and letting you nuzzled in close, keeping your arms folded between the two of you. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” you whispered, “Thank you.”

“Another storm's coming in, I can smell it.”

“It is gettin’ to be that time of year. Wouldn’t be surprised if it stayed like this the next few days. Hope we don’t go stir crazy.”

“We’ll find a way to occupy,” he assured, “Just gotta take it slow for a while I guess. Though it seems you might need it.”

“You need it more than I do. Swear you’ve been working non-stop as of late.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’ve been doing a hell of a lot lately and I know you’re not doing too hot. Just-” he sighed, “You need this too.”

You let out a deep yawn and rubbed your eyes as he ran a hand through your hair, “You can go back to sleep, darlin’. You were up real late.”

“You were too.”

“Yeah, but I caught a bit of shut eye before the storm hit. It looks like you’ve not gotten near enough sleep in days.” His face turned, regretting his choice of words, though they were harmless, “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right. You just look tired.”

You couldn’t be offended if you tried. Arthur was right, your sleep schedule had gone to shit about the same time you couldn’t get out of your own head. Sleep just wasn’t coming as easy as it once did and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get your mind to shut off long enough to allow you to rest. It was exhausting and it must’ve been catching up to you because you could barely even hold your eyes open.

At the same time, you didn’t want to go back to sleep, because going back to sleep meant Arthur would likely have to leave your tent to catch up with Dutch and see if there was anything he could do around camp while their plans had gotten rained out. You felt a sharp twinge of guilt for already clinging to him in this way, but he provided a sense of security you could never find anywhere else. His presence alone seemed to at least partially calm the seas of your mind and let you think about anything else other than the pit of doubt, worry, and sorrow you had landed yourself in.

“You don’t have to stay,” you said back, no matter how big a lie that was. It hurt a bit to make the sounds leave your mouth, but you tried your best to make it sound honest. But Arthur, being the man he was and knowing you as he did, didn’t buy it for a goddamn second.

 

He put his hand under your chin, tilting your head back to meet his eyes. Those eyes you had grown infatuated with looked right through the facade and you felt weak at the gaze. His opened his mouth to speak and it was at that moment that you realized how close you were, and though you had shared an intimate moment the night before, it still made your heart skip a bit and your head get fuzzy. 

“You don’t need to play it tough with me, boy,” he whispered as he brushed his hair back behind your ear, “I’ll be here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere.”

Part of you wanted to scream, another wanted to break down, but the greatest part of you wanted to fight and tell him that he could go. Before you could even take in a full breath to speak, he shushed you and shook his head. 

“Sleep now,” his tone had a certain firmness to it that you didn’t know you needed to hear, “I’ll be here. Try to get comfortable.”

You didn’t respond, only took in a shaky breath and making yourself ease up against him. He continued to let out little hums and shushes and after a little while, it made you a bit self-conscious because of how long it was taking just to get to sleep. He took notice, only whispering vague assurances into your ear, comforting in the way he was taught to. 

The rain began to patter against your tent once again, and with the added sound of leaves rustling and Arthur’s hand rubbing calming, uniform circles into your back, you were able to let yourself go. In the hazy limbo, just before you drifted off, you felt him ease up as well, his breathing deepening as he fell asleep too.

\--

You woke up later, not exactly sure how long it was, but the bite of an empty bed hit hard. You twitched; you were hurt but you wanted to be rational. There was no good reason for you to be mad, and by the tight feeling in your joints, you had been asleep for a good long while. You bit your lip and took in a shaky breath.

Although that sense of emptiness didn’t last long, as when you turned over, you found Arthur sitting with his back against the side of the bed. You heard the scratches of pencil on paper and you finally relaxed. The sound of the cot creaking hit his ears and put his book down, turning around and kneeling to meet your eyes. 

He took one of your hands in his and gave you a light smile, “Hope I didn’t spook ya.”

“‘M sorry,” you shook your head, ”I thought you were gone.” 

”I made a promise, didn't I, ” he said with a half smile. ”You know I wouldn't lie to you.”

”I'm sorry, ” you said back automatically. 

He shook his head, ”You don't have to apologize, you didn't say nothing bad, darlin’.” 

You stifled the apology that wanted to leave your mouth and only nodded. You sat up slowly, stretching your arms and rubbing your eyes. He gave you a hand up and led you out of the tent, ”Let's get some food in you, hm?” 

The camp was quiet, overcast hanging heavy as more rain threatened to fall. People were awake, but all of them stayed put, reading or drawing quietly on their own. Dutch's usual music was turned unusually low, but it was appreciated. 

”Good afternoon, Mr. Y/L/N, ” Pearson greeted with a grin. 

”Afternoon? Damn, what time is it, ” you asked, surprised. 

”About 4,” he replied. 

Your eyes went wide, giving Arthur a look. He only shrugged nonchalantly. You grabbed a bowl by the pot and fixed yourself a bowl of stew, taking a seat at the table. Arthur followed suit, sitting adjacent to it and letting his legs bump into yours under the table. 

“Can’t believe you let me sleep that long,” you said as you took a bite. 

“Wasn’t just going to wake you up,” he replied. “You were out cold.”

“What did you do while I was sleepin’,” you asked.

“I kept myself occupied, don’t you worry.”

There was a moment of silence in which you both took the time to go through most of what was left in your stew bowls. He dug out bread from his satchel and gave you a roll which you accepted gratefully. You sopped up the remnants with the bread, occupying yourself with the simple task and he broke the silence. 

“You twitch a lot in your sleep,” he said, his voice low, just barely above a whisper. “How long has it been?”

Your heart skipped a beat, his statement hitting you like a brick wall, “Since what?”

“Since the last time you slept the night.”

“I-I don’t know, it’s not like I keep track of these things,” you stammered.

“Be straight with me,” he said, his eyes meeting yours in the intense way they had before.

You looked down and began toying with your folded hands, your voice box not seeming to work right as he pressed on with the tough questions. You should be able to just lay it out straight with him, but a ping of guilt and shame for not being able to function like a normal human being hit once again. Whatever was going on in your head was affecting you in more ways than you’d ever like to admit, but of course, no matter how hard you tried to lie to him, he’d pick up on all of your subtle but consistent tells. 

“It’s probably been a few weeks now,” you muttered, “I don’t know exactly.”

“Well god damn, no wonder your eyes have gotten so dark. I’m especially glad I let you sleep now, doll.”

“Is it that obvious,” you asked, sounding a bit defeated. 

“No, I don’t think so,” he replied before taking your used bowls and leaving them by the wash station. 

“Come with me,” he said, leading you towards the horse hitches. 

“Rain is coming though.”

“Ain’t never hurt no one,” he said with a higher voice, “Let’s get.”

You followed him and mounted up, giving your Turkoman a carrot and a pat on the neck. He made a sound of gratitude and Arthur led the way, riding next to you but slightly ahead. You quickly said goodbye to Lenny who was standing guard and made your way through the trees and into New Hanover. 

“Where we goin’,” you asked. 

“You’ll see. Come on,” he said before letting out a yell of encouragement and digging in hard. You followed close behind, following the directions he would call out and enjoying the slight adrenaline rush from riding so fast. The dark clouds still hung heavy with no sign of light, but no part of him seemed to care. You did your best not to worry; if Arthur was okay, you’d be okay too.

He called out for you to follow him and soon you were faced with the edge of a cliff. The river was far below your feet and a bride over it was to your left. It was beautiful and you had never really taken the time to appreciate it. 

“Let’s stop here,” he said as he dismounted. 

You let your horses wander and walked over towards him. He took a seat near the edge and you followed his lead, sitting fairly close. He shook his head, letting out a dry chuckle before scooting closer to you. 

“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me,” he said, grabbing your hand in his. “I want this just as much as you do. You’re safe with me.”

“It’s just been a long time,” you replied, “I’ve not had much experience with the whole… relationship deal.”

“That’s alright,” he nodded, “But I want you to know that you don’t have to keep your distance. You can touch me. I don’t bite… much,” he laughed. “You’re just fine.”

“Okay,” you nodded back. 

He shifted and brought an arm around your lower back. You went stiff on instinct, but he shushed you gently and you were able to relax. A harsh crack of thunder hit your ears and just as you looked up, the rain began pissing down. You got up to leave but he stopped you.

“Where you think you’re going?”

“It’s storming!”

“No shit.” he teased back. “But you know what?”

“What?”

“You’re already soaking wet. And you know what else. You’re fine. Little rain never hurt no one, came all the way out here knowing we’d get a little wet. You’re alright.”

You let out a chuckle, “My stress amuses you doesn’t it?”

“Just a little,” he smirked. “I do this all the time to try to clear my head a bit. It’s pretty, rain keeps you grounded and focused on somethin’ else for a while. Thought it might help you too.”

“I appreciate it, Arthur. This is some pretty country.”

He took off his hat and placed it beside him, letting the wet strands of his hair fall forward before pushing them back into place. The wet rain highlighted the rosiness of his cheeks and the slight pout of his lips. Water gathered on the hairs of his beard and he looked a bit like a soaking mutt, but he looked damn good. 

His eyes caught yours and the no good smirk returned to his face, “What you starin’ at, boy?”

You shook your head, a bit embarrassed, “Noth-”

“And don’t say ‘nothing’,” he tacked on.

You let out a sigh of feign defeat, “You’re just handsome is all.”

The smirk turned into a smile and he placed his hand on your jaw, “Is this okay?’

You only nodded and soon he pressed his lips to yours. The second time was just as intoxicating as the first and you practically lost yourself in the feeling of his mouth pressed to yours. Your movements were tentative, but with him having more experience, he took the lead, helping to build your confidence. He let a hand cup your cheek, the other at the back of your neck. 

You pulled away after a little bit, needing to come up for air. He kept his forehead pressed to yours as you both took deep breaths. He let his hands wander slightly, letting them fall to rest against your chest. 

“You’re way too good for me,” he hummed. 

“No chance,” you replied. 

“I think I’ll have to agree to disagree, darlin’,” he smirked, “But you know what, I think you’re even cuter when you’re flustered.”

Before you could register, he took his rain filled hat and plopped it on your head, properly soaking you from the shoulders up. You let out a gasp in surprise and he couldn’t stifle his laughter. 

“Son of a bitch,” you cursed before giving him a light push to the chest. Soon, you ended up on top of him, and even though his fit of laughter, he put up a fight and the two of you ended up tussling in the grass and fresh mud. He let you win for a little while, but he reversed the hold and straddled your hips. With your arms pinned down at your sides, he finally settled down. 

“Way too good for me,” he repeated before meeting your lips once again.


	3. Beneath the Pines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Arthur grow closer in a new way. He's what you needed.

You and Arthur got up from your place near the cliff to settle into a fairly dry spot beneath the tall pines. You sat with your backs to a wide, old tree and watched as some of the rain slipped between the leaves and onto the floor of the woods. With an arm at your back and his fingers lazily combing through your hair, you felt fairly calm, the first real sense of peace you’d had in the daylight in many, many days. 

 

“I don’t think I wanna go home tonight,” he said, “I just want to be out here with you.” 

 

“I wouldn’t mind that,” you replied, letting your weight lean into him. “I’ve missed my time out with you.”

 

“Feeling is far more than mutual, darlin’,” he said, “I know you don’t like hearin’ it, but I’ve been worried about you.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

 

“Now what did I say about apologizing,” he replied playfully, “I worry, I do. But it’s- ah, well, I don’t know. I just,” he let out a sigh. “I care a lot about you… and when you started gettin’ all like… I don’t wanna say anything too harsh but,  _ reclusive _ , I didn’t know what to do that wouldn’t be crossing some sort of line. Our, um, friendship or I guess partnership, it means a whole lot to me.  _ You _ mean a whole lot to me. I don’t want you thinkin’ otherwise.”

 

That twinge of guilt hit like a brick wall once again.  _ I’m not worth worrying over, _ you told yourself time and time again,  _ you’re not a priority. _ You wanted to deflect his words in some way, the intimacy of it all being almost overwhelming. You’d never had someone like him; someone that didn’t beat around the bush when it came to saying how he felt. He was outspoken and yet charming and tactful; had an interesting and unique way with words that no one else seemed to pull off, but he did. The outlaw with the overgrown beard and the little dent in the center of his nose knew how to speak to you in a way that actually  _ spoke _ to you. He had a gift, but maybe he was a gift. 

 

“I didn’t know you gave me as much thought as that,” you said back somberly, “You know me, I get into my own head and don’t let anyone else in. I’m not used to having someone care about me like you do.”

 

“That’s a goddamn shame,” he replied, “You’re worth more than I could ever hope to give.”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” you shook your head.

 

“I would,” he said with that same bit of firmness he had shown previously. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m scolding you, but I mean every word I say and if you think I’m not the truthful type, I must be doing something wrong here. Trust my word for what it is, I would never lie to you.”

 

“I’m sor-shit,” you cursed yourself quietly, shaking your head as your throat tightened with the overwhelming emotions he was eliciting. Your voice cracked under your words, “I want to be better for you, I do. I want to be okay and I wanna be everything you’ve built me up to be but it seems I’ve got this bug in my head that I can’t shake telling me I’m not worth a goddamn second of your time, let alone a single ounce of the kindness you’ve shown me. You mean the world to me, Arthur. You deserve better. You can do so much  better than a sad, helpless fool like myself.”

 

He shook his head, his eyes staring you down as they had the night before. You’d probably said too much, or he was reading something inside of you that you hadn’t meant to put out but had. He could tell what you were saying better than you could a lot of the time, always able to make sense of the ramblings that left your mouth. 

 

“I hate that you talk about yourself like you’re a chore to be with,” he said earnestly, “Trust me when I say you’d  _ know _ if I wasn’t fond of ya,” he teased. His face grew more serious, “I know the feeling-- the whole idea of worthlessness and sorrow that lays heavy on your heart. I know how bad those late nights by yourself hurt and I know what it feels like to feel alone when you’ve got so many people around you all the time. I know how it gets when the simplest act of kindness, or even just positive indifference, makes you feel like the most inadequate, unworthy scum of the Earth. I’ve been in your position and I know how deep the waters of your mind run, but I’m not going to back down just because there’s a bit of trouble at sea. Right now is kinda rough, I know that, and I don’t want you to go through it alone.”

 

“You read me like a damn kid’s book,” you sniffled as you rubbed your eyes. “You’ve done so much for me, even without realizing, and I don’t think I can quite add up how much it all means but hell, I don’t think I’d be around right now if it weren’t for you just treating me like I’m worth a damn. I’ve just felt so lost since the job in Blackwater and you’re just- shit,” you cursed as your voice cracked, “You’re there. When I need you, especially when I say I don’t need you. I l- I appreciate it. I really appreciate what you are to me.”

 

He clearly noticed your little slip of the three words you’d never admitted to anyone but your folks back home. He brought you in a bit closer and held you tight to his body, “I wouldn’t push you to talk if I didn’t love you.”

 

You turned around and immediately buried yourself into this crook of his neck. You sniffled once again as tears threatened to fall. You tried your best to blink them away as you held onto him as if your life depended on it. He returned the tight squeeze, gently letting out little shushes as he rubbed your back. 

 

Your voice was weak, just loud enough to make out, “I love you too.”

 

“You’re not alone, sweetheart,” he cooed, “I’ve got you.”

 

You continued to cling to him as he brought you back down to Earth. He took over all five senses, leaving you to feel nothing but him in that very moment. He let you pull away in your own time, him knowing you needed these breaks more than anything. You sat up and rubbed your face with one sweep of your forearm. You knew you looked like a mess, but he wasn’t running from it. 

 

“Let’s find us a dry spot of ground and we’ll set up camp for the night, hm?”

 

You nodded and stood up, lending him a hand to steady himself. You whistled for your horses to come follow and walked through the trees until you found a small clearing that was covered overhead by some massive oak trees. He let you set up the tent as he started the fire. You laid out the bedrolls, trying to make the cramped, little canvas tent as comfortable as you could. 

 

He heated up some canned goods and the two of you enjoyed some lighter conversation to break up the tension. He told some stories of his adventures around the area, having met everyone from photographers to archeologists. He got particularly goofy when talking about how cool the dinosaur bones were. 

 

“I spent my whole grown life thinking they was some fairytale and now this strange lady in a wagon has me loading up giant lizard skulls,” he laughed. “It’s an amazing world out there.”

 

“Makes you wonder if the dragons in them books Jack reads are real,” you smiled. 

 

“Really does,” he smiled. “You’ll have to come out on trips with me more often. Being stuck at camp doesn’t suit you well. “

 

“I wouldn’t wanna slow you down.”

 

“Nonsense. You’re a pretty good shot, you ride well, you’re no stranger to sleeping rough. You’ll have me by your side if things go south, I want you to come with me.”

 

“I’ll think about it,” you nodded.

 

“Please really consider it. I really want you to, but I understand if adventurin’ ain’t really your thing.”

 

“I’ll think it over, I promise.”

 

“Good,” he smiled. “Always wanted my own partner in crime.”

 

“What about John?”

 

“I guess I should have specified. A  _ smart _ partner,” he said with a chuckle. 

 

You gave him a laugh back, “Sure.”

 

You sat back and watched the leaves of the trees rustling against the wind. You let yourself space out for a bit, not really thinking about anything other than what was before you. Arthur’s very presence seemed to ward off the loneliness that plagued every waking moment of your thought. You only saw him in your periphery, but knowing he was there seemed to flip a switch in your brain. Although your mind still wandered, it wasn’t in the way it usually did. 

 

Arthur was different from the very beginning of your friendship. He took the time to get to know you, not pushing with any questions from the start, but letting things build naturally. Although unnecessary at times, he was careful with his words and did he best to be outright with what he meant. He always picked up on the little things about you, your habits and tells of different feelings, whether it you be sad, tired, agitated, or hungry, he knew when something was off and usually the best way to approach it. You wished you had his sense of awareness, but it seemed you could barely keep track of yourself, let alone another person. 

 

Arthur exemplified a lot of what you wanted to be, and this admiration soon grew to something far more intimate. He knew that now, and it seemed he was on the same page. You were in head over heels and it almost pained you knowing just how deep the feelings for him went. You were blessed to have even the slightest part of that emotion returned. He was all but perfect in your eyes, and how you somehow managed to catch his attention was beyond you. 

 

“You’re doing it again,” he said, looking up from the book that sat in his lap.

 

You did a double take, coming back to your senses from where you were lost, “W-what?”

 

“Miles away. I’m always amazed by how deep you get in thought. Always get this cute look on your face when you don’t think anyone’s watching. One of my favorite things about you,” he said the last part more quietly. 

 

“Always seem to get lost,” you smiled, a light blush coming to your cheeks. “Hope I didn’t miss anything.”

 

“Nah, everything's just the same. You’re alright.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

You looked up and noticed how far you were sitting from him. You didn’t want this need to be close to him, but he radiated something that made you long for more. His touch was becoming a victimless addiction, and you the tweaker that always wanted more. Though, you still remained timid, not knowing how to phrase it in a way that didn’t make you sound like a child desperate for attention, no matter how desperate you felt. You could function without him, you could make it without him, but just because you could didn’t mean you wanted to. For right now, in such an early stage, you wanted to feel him whenever you could. 

 

You tried your best to gather the courage just to ask him to sit closer. Twiddling your thumbs and attempting to control your breathing, you broke the silence. “Can you. Hell, I feel silly askin’, but- shit.”

 

He didn’t need to hear anything else, only crawled from his spot and over towards you, “Don’t be afraid of me. You need anything,  _ anything _ , you say the words. I’m here, I promise you that.”

 

“I’m a basketcase,” you muttered to yourself.

 

He wrapped an arm around you and brought you closer. “Don’t scrooch up on me. You’re okay, I understand. Things are a little scary, but like I said, you don’t gotta be afraid of me, darlin’. C’mere,” he said, cupping your cheek. “Let’s get into the tent, hm?”

 

You nodded and followed him. He let you lay down and soon he followed, closing the tent flaps before moving so he could meet your face. “Can I kiss you,” he asked.

 

You nodded and he continued, letting his lips meet yours. You closed your eyes, letting all thought slip your mind as you focused on the feeling. He encouraged your movements, taking one of your wrists and placing it on his back. You took your chance and pulled him closer, he let out a satisfied grunt and you took it as a win. 

 

One of his legs moved between yours and he pulled away, taking deep breaths with reddened cheeks, “Do you want to take things further?”

 

You nodded but he shook his head, “I need to hear you say it.”

 

“I want this,” you nodded, trying your best to sound firm with conviction, “I do.”

 

With that, he returned his lips to yours. He began undoing the few buttons on your henley and paused again, waiting for a nod of consent before taking it off of you. He slid his suspenders from his shoulders and didn’t bother undoing the buttons of his shirt, just pulling it over his head. His broad chest caught your gaze and you marveled at the sight. You had seen him undressed before, but this was very different. He was absolutely stunning and the small bit of moonlight caught the pale patches below his collar bones. He was strong and a bit weathered, but he was a real sight for sore eyes. 

 

“You’re gorgeous,” you whispered, letting your hands move to his hips. 

 

“You’re beautiful,” he said back breathlessly. 

 

He shifted the position, having you on top of him. You could feel the growing bulge in his trousers, the hardening shaft pressing into your thigh. You settled your weight between his legs, letting yourself grind into him slightly. 

 

“Keep doing that,” he groaned, “You’re amazing.” You continued your motions, the bit of friction not satisfactory, but it was something. Small sounds left his mouth as you moved to plant kisses along his jaw. 

 

“Need you,” he moaned, “I need you.”

 

“What do you need,” you replied. 

 

“I need to feel you-ah,” he let out another subtle moan, “I want you to take me.”

 

“I’ve never been with a man before, Arthur,” you said tentatively.

 

“I have, just. Shit, know I’m  _ prepared.  _ Shit, I- I need to feel you.”

 

Your hands moved to undo the fastens of his trousers and he lifted his hips for you to tug them down. He sat up and eagerly did the same, tugging your pants down with wanton abandon. He was exposed to you, and you him, and something beautifully intimate rose from the second in which you both looked at each other as if it were the very first and last time. You were naked, but you didn’t feel exposed. Something about it felt right as if you were left alone with him in a new Garden of Eden, not even the eyes of God watching. You etched the moment into your memory, knowing you’d do anything to keep from forgetting this very moment. 

 

“I don’t want this to hurt,” you said with concern, “Do you have anything to keep from going dry.”

 

“I’ve got a tin in my bag of some special jelly,” he nodded, “It’s not for eatin’, I’ll tell you that,” he smirked.

 

You dug into his satchel for the small, metal tin. You opened it and took a glob of the translucent substance on your fingers. You trusted his word and spread the slimy petroleum onto your fingers. He supported himself on his forearms and spread his legs, keeping his knees bent on either side of you.

 

“You’re sure you want this,” you said, looking up at him. 

 

“More than anything.”

 

With that, you slid a finger inside of him, trying to get him as relaxed as possible. He had prepped himself not long ago, but you still wanted to make sure he was okay. You eased in and out of him before adding another finger, scissoring them before adding a third. You changed your angles, trying your best to find the spot you had heard other men of discretion speak of. 

 

He twitched when you passed over the sensitive spot, another grunt leaving his mouth. He was turning into absolute putty before you. You took note and continued to stimulate him, but he made it clear that just your fingers wouldn’t do.

 

“Need more,” he moaned, “Need you ah- inside me. Please.”

 

You slowly pulled your fingers from him. He was still breathless beneath you, urging you to get on with your actions. You scooped up more of the petroleum jelly and spread it over your own aching shaft, making sure to get enough for it to go over smoothly. You took your place between his legs, trying to make things as comfortable as you could. 

 

You got down closer to him, using your forearm to prop yourself up and using your free hand to press yourself into him. Your head breached his tight ring of muscles and he was already a groaning mess around you. You inched inside slowly, making sure he was okay and keeping him relaxed. 

 

You bottomed out, fully sheathed within the tight heat and he clenched around you, “Please move.”

 

Your moments were still cautious, no matter how deep in it you already were. You started with a very simple roll of your hips but he quickly encouraged you to take things further, leading to thrust in deep. 

 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he said, his voice low but cut with quick breaths. “Wanted you for so long.”

 

“You’re perfect,” you groaned as you continued to thrust. 

 

You pressed your lips to his once again, his tongue poking at your lips and soon finding yours. He explored your mouth, moving his tongue in tandem with yours and complementing the motions of the other. You reached between your sweat-slicked bodies and began to pump his aching cock from base to tip. 

 

You shifted, changing your angle and getting in deeper than you had previously. A sound came from deep in his throat and out of his mouth, encouraging you to keep with what you were doing. He wrapped his strong legs around you and pulled you in impossibly closer. 

 

“I’m not going to last,” he said.

 

“Me neither,” you said between grunts. 

 

“I want to feel you finish inside me,” he replied, his voice thick with desire. 

 

“Arthur, Arthur oh shit, I-” you said as you felt the spring let loose and pleasure shoot through you. 

 

“Goddammit,” he moaned as he clenched around you, him finding his release only a second after you. 

 

You rode through your orgasms, both of you covered in sweat and breathing deeply, trying to regain your bearings. Your head was buried in the crook of his neck, taking him all in, similar to the way you did but a few hours ago, but this time so drastically different. You pulled out slowly, your spunk dripping out with it. 

 

“I love you,” he said, this time with clear passion, “So goddamn much.”

 

“I love you more,” you whispered back. 

 

You kissed him again, briefly but with feeling, before grabbing an old rag from your things and cleaning him up. You wiped down the areas you both had gotten messy and tossed the rag away lazily, your head a bit fuzzy in the afterglow. 

 

“I’m way too lazy to get dressed right now,” he hummed with a giggle.

 

“No chance I’m gettin’ up just to put pants on.”

 

“We’re even then,” he said before pulling the blanket up to cover below your shoulders. You rested your head on his chest and he rubbed circles into your back. You heard his heart steadily slow as he came down from the natural high. 

 

“I don’t mean to get sappy,” he started, “But you’re just amazing, doll.”

 

“Ain’t got nothing on you,” you said back. 

 

He let out a little chuckle, “You’ll take a compliment from me one day.”

 

“I’d like to see you try and make me.”

 

“You know you’re just getting yourself into hearing ‘em more often, right boy?”

 

“I take it as a challenge,” you said back playfully.

 

“Game on.”

 

Things felt right in a way you hadn’t expected them to. Spending a night in his arms was one thing, but tonight was very different. Sex had never been intimate in that way, but things with him felt natural. The motions came easier and the entire situation was just better because it was shared with him and not working girl on the streets of town. Intimacy was new, and admittedly a bit scary, but if you had known it would feel this good, you would have tried your hand at it a long time ago. Feeling close with him didn’t feel wrong, it didn’t feel forced, it didn’t feel anything but  _ correct. _

 

The doubt you had the night before seemed to slip away as you felt him fall asleep beneath you. His breathing grew deep, making your head rise and fall with the movement of his chest. He wasn’t going to fix things, but he was going to make it easier to get better. He was the catalyst that brought the decline to a halt and started something better. He would be the one to motivate you to be better than a nameless outlaw, only doing what he was told. You couldn’t have wanted more than what he was so willingly providing and even just his presence seemed to make those demons turn away. Arthur was the best thing that happened to you in a long time, maybe forever, and you couldn’t be better off. 

 


	4. Circles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter vaguely inspired by a song yeeyee.
> 
> [Rings - Pinegrove](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyP3CQWgJ5s&list=PLTfD2mh7WxD9IQQ26w92EahoL9-miQG4K&index=1)

“Am I really what you want,” you asked. Your tone was flat, not even realizing what you were saying as you said it. 

 

He sat up, looking at you dead in the eyes, “What do you mean?”

 

You didn’t quite realize how far you had backed up from him, but the distance was clear. Your voice was shaky but thick with conviction. “I- I mean am I what you want,” you stammered. “I don’t wanna be some charity case that you take in out of pity. I know this whole thing might be convenient or something but I-”

 

“Stop right there,” he cut you off. “Have I given you reason to suspect that?”

 

“Look at me, Arthur,” you shook your head with a feign laugh, “I’m a goddamn mess. To be quite honest, I can’t see why anyone would wanna be stuck in close quarters with me unless there was some ulterior motive. I don’t want you to feel like I’m someone you’ve gotta fix or something.”

 

“I told you already, I hate when you talk about yourself like that,” he let out a sigh, seeming almost frustrated. “I don’t want to run in circles with you. Please, hear me right now, and don’t question a word of it. Listen to me when I say this:  _ I want you. _ I want every part of you. I doubt you forgot the events of last night, but let me tell you I don’t let just anyone do that,” he said the last part with a bit of a smile. “You’re not some ‘charity case.’ Hell, I can pull out my journal and show you the amount of pages I’ve filled with my thoughts of you. Now please,” he paused, grabbing your hands, “Get over here and let me kiss you because goddammit, I’ve waited so long and now I can’t get enough.”

 

He pulled you from where you sat to sit in the relief of his crossed legs, trying to keep you as close as he could. Your legs went behind his back and your arms around his shoulders. He gently grabbed your face with both hands, “If I can’t promise you anything else, I can promise you truth.”

 

He broke the distance, pressing his lips against yours and letting it go on for quite some time. Something about it was different, and no matter the profoundly intimate moments of the previous night, it was something about his statements that finally drilled it into your head that this wasn’t a sham of sorts. He was an honest man and he proved that in everything he did. The negativity that plagued your head was the cause for your doubts and you hated that you gave into it. He was right, he really was going in circles trying to prove what he shouldn’t have to. The constant need to be validated and reassured was an attribute of yourself that you loathed but couldn’t quite shake. It was a vicious cycle and you wanted to change, if not for yourself, then for him. 

 

Of course, there was no way to change things overnight. He knew how to talk to you in a way that made you feel grounded. He provided a healthy amount of validation, not providing when it wasn’t necessary, and somewhat training you not to need it as much. He always spoke with purpose, not one for small talk when it came to people he was close with. 

 

“This’ll be the last time I apologize, I promise,” you joked, “But this time I think the apology is justified.  I want you to know that I’m sorry for doubting you. I should know by this point that you would never lie about something of that matter. That’s on me, not you.”

 

“I don’t know that an apology is necessary, but I appreciate it. I can’t see into your head-”

 

“Sure feels like you can.”

 

He let out a little giggle before continuing, “But I know what it’s like to feel the way you do. We’re gonna work through this. I can’t fix anything, but I hope what I’m doing is helping in the slightest. I want this more than I can describe and I can tell you that nothing feels quite as great as falling asleep with you pressed up against me. I’ve wasted, hell, I don’t know how long, but a long damn time not acting on what I was feeling. Wasn’t lying about the journal entries neither. You got me wrapped around your finger, boy.”

 

“This whole time I thought you were just being nice to me. Told you I’m new to the whole relationship thing.”

 

“I’m a bit rusty myself. Don’t take all the blame.”

 

“Well, at least you’ve got the slightest idea, considering I’m a fish out of water here.”

 

“Nothing’s perfect. Everyone’s a bit unique, there’s no cover-all when it comes to a, uh, partnership? Would that be the word?”

 

“I think that works out okay,” you nodded. “Think we’re a bit too old to be callin’ each other beau. Partner works just fine.”

 

One of his hands rubbed along your back while the other rested on your face. His thumb ran just under your lip, “You’re so damn pretty. Don’t think I can tell you that enough, darlin’.”

 

\--

 

The two of you rode back to camp when the skies looked clear, though there were still clouds hanging over the western horizon. You got on your mounts and rode towards your semi-permanent home. 

 

“You know I think I’ve made a decision,” you said. “I think I’d like to start riding with you if that’s what you’d like of course.”

 

His face lit up when the words hit his ears, “Really?”

 

“Yeah, I think I’d like to.”

 

He smiled to himself, “Well then. Don’t get too comfortable when we get back to camp then. I got another place I think you’ll like.”

 

“You like to jump right in, don’tcha?”

 

“Sink or swim, doll,” he smiled. 

 

The two of you rode to camp and took a bit of space. You grabbed your journal and sat near the fallen tree near the overlook. The sounds of the birds chirping were covered by another spat between Molly and Dutch. You doodled what stood before you and Hosea took a spot next to you, folding his hands and looking towards the clouded horizon. 

 

“Don’t know that those two will ever quiet down,” he sighed. 

 

“I doubt they will,” you said as you closed your journal. “You doing okay?”

 

“I’m alright. Bessie and I spent a lot of time in this country in what feels like a lifetime ago. Not exactly where we wanna be, but I don’t mind it here,” he said with a sad smile. “Reminds me of some better times.”

 

“I’m sure that’s almost refreshing, in a, uh, bittersweet way,” you said, trying your best to be tactful. 

 

“That it is.” He paused, taking a generous moment of silence. “I hope you’re doing okay, Y/N. I know this time of year can be a bit brutal on the mind, especially after all the drama after Blackwater.”

 

“I’m trying to make the best of things,” you replied. “Had a bit of help lately.”

 

“Ah, yes,” he let out a short, warm hum, “I see you and Arthur have spent quite a bit of time with one another.”

 

“He’s a good man.”

 

“He is. Don’t tell him I told you,” he whispered, “But he’s come to me about you quite a bit. He’s in it with you, he really is.”

 

Your heart skipped a beat at the comment. Something about hearing it from someone else felt different from hearing it from him. Hosea, although an adept con, was undoubtedly honest and the one Arthur trusted most with his sensitive matters. Being practically his adopted father, it was always Hosea he would turn to if he was in need of advice. 

 

Hosea continued, “I won’t tell you too much as it isn’t my place to do so, but just keep what I said in mind. And, just between us, I’d like to see you two go off with one another, if only for a week or two. You need some time alone, get to know each other better as all new sweethearts do. You’ve got my blessing, just take a bit of time.”

 

You nodded and went to say something but he quickly cut you off, “Don’t need to say anything.”  He got up and gave you a quick pat on the back, giving a friendly nod and smile before returning to his business. 

 

You walked over to Arthur’s tent and found him packing his saddlebags with a variety of supplies. He looked up at you and flashed a smile, “Hey. You got a decent coat?”

 

“Yeah, I’ve got that wolf coat the trapper made me,” you nodded. “What’s up?”

 

“Well,” he said as he stood up, rubbing his hands on the back of his pants, “I know we just got outta West Elizabeth, but there’s this old cabin up in Big Valley, just a little south of the Grizzlies. Figured we could go up there for a little bit, maybe hunt around the woods and up through the mountains. Figured you should keep a set of winter clothes on your horse.”

 

_ He’s so thoughtful, _ you thought to yourself. “Gimme a few minutes and I’ll be packed up.”

 

You headed to your tent and grabbed a few spare sets of clothes and other little things you thought you might need. You made sure you were stocked on ammo and provisions for your horse and soon you were ready to go. You stuffed the saddlebags on your horse and gave him a carrot for good measure before meeting Arthur back at his tent. 

 

“You wanting to leave soon, cowboy,” you asked. 

 

“Ready whenever you are.”

 

The two of you mounted up a few minutes later. Hosea gave you a keen nod and continued on with his business as you shouted vague goodbyes to the members standing guard. You and Arthur rode west, him leading you and giving directions on which turns to take. The ride was a long one, but it was peaceful.

 

Arthur began to sing to himself to better occupy. It was just a simple song he learned around the campfire, but his voice was strong and quite comforting, not much unlike a father singing to his child. You let your mind wander in the gap in conversation. It was nice knowing someone was just there, even if there weren’t words to be exchanged. Company and quality time often spoke louder than words, and knowing someone not only enjoyed your presence but wanted to be around it more than just the bare minimum gave a bit of a boost to your own self-esteem. 

 

Arthur seemed to be lost but in a good way. He’d just hum when he forgot the words to the chorus or just a line or two. His spirits seemed bright, refreshing in what heavy conversations you had shared in the past few days. If he wasn’t feeling okay, he was damn good at hiding it.

 

You began to repress the guilt that had come over you when you were with him.  _ You’re no burden _ , you’d have to remind yourself.  _ He’s no liar.  _ Arthur had beat that message into you as much as he could without branding it on your forehead.  _ You’ve no reason to doubt him.  _ Arthur wasn’t one to stick around the people he didn’t tolerate, evident by the company he kept. He wasn’t as young as he once was, growing wise and a bit more tame with his age. He knew how to ground himself and even better how to ground others. A master of (un)healthy coping mechanisms and keeping oneself together, no matter how bad one might wish to break. Arthur provided more for the camp than anyone else did when it came to counting dimes and cents. There wouldn’t be a gang anymore if Arthur didn’t work his ass off the way he did. 

 

You longed for the sense of comfort he held within himself. Arthur was troubled, sure, but he was far more self-aware than anyone you had ever met. Arthur knew he was a sinner, but he gave to the right causes. The ends always justify the means. He never acted without purpose. A perfect blend of the innate morality of civilization and the loyalty and grit of a cold-hearted outlaw. Life shat on him time and time again, but he still stood with those he cared about. He was the picture of a kind-hearted, hard-working man, no matter how hard he may try to deny it. 

 

There were smaller things as well that seemed to catch your eye. Arthur was the opposite of ugly; an undeniably handsome man that could grow one hell of a beard, his physique was only an added bonus. His hair would glow in the sunshine and his eyes could warm the coldest of darks. The little scar on his cheek and two little dents on his nose added a certain charm. His face, although weathered from years spent in the sun, was enough to make even the most distant of strangers throw out a simple compliment. He was at times self-conscious of his body, and to be fair, who wasn’t, but with him, you never found an inch of him that could warrant that. The utter intensity of his inner beauty could never be properly reflected on the outside, but dammit if this wasn’t as close as it could get. 

 

The sounds of the critters scurrying and birds chirping only added to the effect he had. He never seemed more at home than when he was left outside sleeping rough or wandering through the lands on his trusty steed. He treated his horses as he would his own child, tending to their needs before his own and making sure, above all else, they felt confident, secure, and well-fed. 

 

You and Arthur neared your destination and he grew a bit more involved when it came to navigating. You rode a bit north of Strawberry and found yourselves a quaint, little cabin with a red painted door. You hitched your horses and grabbed your bags, dropping them on the small table inside. 

 

“How’d you find this place,” you asked as you took a look around. 

 

“Just from exploring. Was tailing this big deer not far from here and found this place left abandoned, cupboards were all but empty and the bed left bare. Scoped it out for a few days to make sure everything was as it seemed and there’s no sign of an owner around here. I use it when I don’t feel like making the ride to the nearest hotel.”

 

“Seems our own Arthur Morgan found himself the summer home he dreamed of,” you teased. “Bet you sleep here after long nights spent at that big fancy country club.”

 

He let out a warm laugh, “Yeah, keep all my suits and ties in the wardrobe over there, next to the champagne cabinet and leather upholstered sofa.”

 

You laughed with him, “Well, what we lack in cold cash, I hope we can make up for spirit.”

 

“Never met a rich man I didn’t hate. If I die without a nickel and a stomach full of empty, I shall never die ashamed.”

 

You heated up pork and beans on the woodstove as he sat at the table and read through a book he found in his travels. It felt both amazingly correct and horribly wrong all at the same time, but there was a certain sense of peace that the bit of domestication brought to your unruly souls. One could never be tamed after living in the wild all their lives, but it was quite fun to test the waters. What a luxury it is, not worrying about the constant bustle of camp.

 

You set the plates down and served the simple meal you had prepared. Although it was barely different from what he usually ate, having something hot rather than room temperature was definitely a nice change. He took his time eating rather than scarfing down everything in front of him as if it would be taken if he didn't. He was visibly more relaxed and the calm feelings radiated, rubbing off on you and making you feel okay. 

 

His leg gently nudged at yours beneath the table, just reminding you he was there before he began to talk, “You ever think about what you might be doing if you weren’t out here with the gang?”

 

“Sometimes,” you shrugged. “Don’t have many skills that would lead me to being your usual, law-abiding citizen, but I guess I would’ve worked out something or another. Maybe a train conductor or a post worker. Who knows really. What about yourself?”

 

“Hmm,” he paused, thinking to himself, “Maybe a rancher or something. I like animals, think it might be best if I interacted with them more than I did people.”

 

“Think ranching might suit you,” you replied, “You’ve a real gift when it comes to horses.”

 

He shook his head, trying to brush it off with a “Nahh.”

 

“You do,” you said with a smile. “You really do. Can tame a wild walker in less than an hour, seen it with my own two eyes.”

 

He shrugged and tried to hide the subtle smile tugging at his lips, “They’re simple creatures when you get to ‘em better. Lot of ‘em like the same things. Easier to get to know, they live more easy. Guess I almost admire them in a way.”

 

Something in your head clicked and you soon realized that you and Arthur were even more similar than you had previously thought. He used the same metaphor with the horses as you had on your lonesome with the trees. You both desired a simple life, and both of you found something other than a person to project it on. You kept the connection to yourself, but held onto it tightly, taking the best mental snapshot you could as this was yet another moment you’d rather not forget. 

 

“What if we made a routine of this,” you said a bit tentatively. “I mean what if, every few weeks or so, we just came up here and took things slow. We’ll still pay our dues to camp, won’t be strangers by any means, but just kept this place for us.”

 

His eyes lit up at the idea, “I like the sound of that. But to be quite honest, I’d stand in a foot of swamp if it meant catching some time alone with you.”

 

A slight blush came to your cheeks and put his hand under your chin, “Don’t think I’d find it so amusing, watching you get all red, if it weren’t so easy.”

 

You playfully swatted his hand away before he gave a real answer, “I don’t see any issue with it. If old Josiah can go running off for months at a time, seems fair we could get ourselves a little vacation every now and again.”

 

Another smile tugged at the corners of your mouth, “Not even finished with the first day of this trip and I’m already excited for the next one.”

 

“I’ll take that as a good sign.”

 

The two of you finished your meals and tidied the table before washing the dishes. He did the washing and you did the drying, putting the bowls back into their designated place in the cupboards. The evening was calm, most of it spent playing dominoes at the table and a lot of it ending in close rounds. You teased each other relentlessly and the action alone managed to relax you in a way. The idea of a relationship wasn’t quite so scary when you realized it was really just a best friend with added affections. He was still the same Arthur, and you hoped only to be a slightly improved version of yourself. 

 

He started yawning around 10 and you did as well. You undressed to your union suits and sat up in the bed with him, letting your head fall on his shoulder for support. 

 

“Arthur,” you said quietly.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I just wanted to say thank you,” you started, trying to keep your voice strong and clear, “For everything I mean. You seemed to have made me feel like absolute horse shit to a relatively normal person in the span of a few days and I just- I want you to know that you mean a lot to me.”

 

“I didn’t do anything special,” he said, “I didn’t fix anything, you did. You just needed a bit of help to get your head on straight, that’s all. I was just showing you things I’ve known about you all along.”

 

You shook your head and sniffled, “For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m going to make it. Thank you.” 

 

He shifted his position and brought you in close, letting his lips mold against yours and showing you what he meant rather than just saying it. With gentle, sleepy touches, he made you feel at home. 

 

“Gonna do far more than just ‘make it,’ doll,” he whispered, rubbing his hand along your jaw. “So much more.”


	5. the Way the Trees Blow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you expect anything the night you came into my tent,” you asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zoo wee mama this is mostly porn but then some hardcore feelings at the end. No angst, bunch of fluff. Yeah, I'm happy with how this series turned out and I hope you like it too. I just wanna do my cowboyfriend justice because that motherfucker O W N S me so blah blah blah whatever just read the chapter and comment and whatnot thannnnnks babes and barely edited at all bc i'm TIRED

It was just past the break of dawn when you began to stir from your sleep at the sensation of Arthur shifting himself on top of you. His knees spread on either side of you and he hunched over, planting kisses on your neck and face and greeting you. Your eyes fluttered open, taking a second to adjust to the light and you let out a hum at the sensation of him on you. 

“Mornin’, sweetheart,” he hummed into your throat. 

“Someone woke up excited,” you said with a groggy smile. 

“Your fault for lookin’ so damn pretty when you’re asleep,” he said, “I just can’t resist, I can’t.”

You tipped up his chin so he could meet your eyes briefly before bringing your lips to his. It started slow, but he was quick to move things along. His tongue poked at your lips and you allowed him to enter, taking control in the way he liked and letting the slick muscles slide across one another, meeting like old friends. His hands traveled, eagerly undoing the last buttons of your union suit and helping you to shrug out of it. He hardened against you and you pressed one of your legs between his, allowing him to find some of the friction he desperately sought. 

“Let’s get you out of this,” you said, sitting up and helping him out of his clothes.

You undid the buttons with haste, both of you breathing heavily as you removed all that separated you. You got yourselves turned around and he leaned back, his head falling to the pillows. It was your turn to treat him with extra special attention. 

He raised his hips to allow you to remove the bottom half of his clothes. He revealed himself, already half hard and eager for more attention. He let out a pleased groan as the cool morning air hit him. You pulled his pants all the way down, tossing them away and letting them lay messily on the floor. You returned to him, giving him a peck on the lips before moving to his jaw. You moved up, paying special attention to the sensitive spot just below his ear. He let out a pleased groan, his hands traveling and cupping your ass under your clothes. 

You moved further down, leaving wet kisses on his neck and taking a second back to breathe. Chills were sent down his spine and goosebumps spread, but he tilted his head back and allowed you to go further. His eyes were closed and his mouth hung open just slightly, low hums and grunts leaving his mouth as he relished in the sensation. 

You sucked on a spot at his collar bones where it would be just visible if his shirt was left unbuttoned. It was sensitive and just a little pale, the mark showing clearly on the skin and he realized too late. 

“You claiming me,” he asked with a chuckle. 

“Looks like you’ll just have to start wearing your neckerchief again.”

He let out another short laugh and a hum before meeting your lips in a sweet kiss, “I’m sure it’ll fade by the time we head back to camp.”

You pressed another kiss to his lips before returning to your work, moving further down a body and planting your lips around his chest. The fuzzy hairs tickled your cheeks but it didn’t bother you, the feeling being almost welcomed. Just as you went below his belly button, you shifted further down, going near his knees and pressing more slippy but precise kisses to trial up his thigh. He grew impatient, shifting and hoping to get you moving quicker, but you kept things slow. You moved up, going closer and closer to his hardening cock but not letting him off that easy. 

You pressed your mouth to where his legs met his tummy, inching closer and closer. His fingers threaded through your hair and he supported himself on an elbow, watching each of your movements with doe eyes. The hair got bushier and he got more eager the closer you got to the center, Finally, you wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave a confident, slow stroke. 

“Tell me what you need, doll,” you breathed, your hot breath ghosting over his tip. 

“Please,” he almost begged. 

“Please what?”

“I need to feel your mouth on me. Please,” he said through labored breaths. 

Your confidence faded as you better grasped what you were about to do. You’d heard plenty of women talk about it and you’d thought about it yourself many times, but this was still new and you wanted to make this as pleasurable as you could for him. 

He took notice in your hesitation and his demeanor changed just a bit, going from fully submissive on equal ground, “I’ll tell you what to do. Don’t be nervous.”

You nodded and felt a bit more comfortable, he could always read you, always.

“Go ahead and uh, take the tip of it in, not too deep. And, erm, avoid, uh- Avoid teeth at all cost,” he said as if he was teaching some type of lesson. Though almost formal in the most informal of situations, it was appreciated. 

You did as you were told and parts of it made sense. You took him into your mouth and circled it with his tongue, paying attention to the underside where he was most sensitive. His hand was still in your hair, more gently, but encouraging in an odd way. You tried to take more of him in too quickly and practically choked around him.

“Easy, boy,” he drawled, “Don’t rush now. We’ve got more time than anything else. Take it slow.”

You didn’t say a word, only returning to your work. You hummed around him, making it easier to take in more of him without gagging. You clenched your fist and kept at it, each bob of your head just a fraction easier than it was the pass before. His breathing grew deeper and his grip tighter. His eyes would clench shut but he would force them back open so he could see what was going on before him. 

You used your dominant hand to stroke what you couldn’t fit into your mouth as he continued to whisper gentle yet filthy encouragements and assurances. It was what you needed to hear, it fueling your confidence and again making things a tad bit easier. 

After a few minutes, he pulled you off. Spit trailed at your sore jaw and your lips were a bit swollen, but you would have gone on longer if it was what he wanted. “I do something wrong?”

“No,” he shook his head, “You were doing it too well. I don’t wanna finish like that.”

He wiped your mouth for you and guided him to meet your lips again. You ground into him, getting some relief as both of your throbbing cocks rubbed against each other. 

“I got oil in the bedside table,” he said. “I need this.”

You nodded and leaned over, digging into the drawer to find a little bottle olive oil. He snatched the bottle from your hands and opened the cap, letting some drip out onto his hand before capping and discarding it. His hand wrapped around your shaft and he lubed you up. As he did it, he grabbed your other hand and put two of your fingers in his mouth, sucking and effectively slobbering on them with adept, practiced motions. He fell back onto the bed, his thighs spread wide as he eagerly awaited everything you could give him. 

You settled yourself on your knees between his spread legs and let one of your fingers travel down from his shaft and to his aching entrance. You pressed your finger into him, letting it slide in and out with ease before adding another. You curved them and changed the angles, poking and prodding in attempt to find his most sensitive spot once again. After a few precise thrusts, you found it and he almost squealed. 

“Goddammit,” he cursed huskily, not able to do much but bite his lip. 

“You can be loud out here,” you encourage, “Don’t hide it, I wanna hear you.”

“Hell Y/N,” he breathed, “You treat me too well.”

“Nonsense,” you said back and he wasn’t able to combat it, being too overtaken with pleasure to curate a coherent sentence. 

Once you thought he was stretched out enough, you removed your fingers from him and he let out a sigh. You moved up closer towards him and caged him between your arms. You moved your hand but he moved faster, grabbing at your base and directing you towards his opening. You let out a moan as your tip breached him, pleasure shooting through you at the pleasure. 

He was easier this time, having it only been a few days since the last time. He continued to make little noises as you inched yourself deeper and deeper, doing what you could to not lose yourself and make sure he was okay every step of the way. Eventually, you bottomed out, being fully sheathed within his tight, wet heat. You buried your head in his shoulder, letting out a moan from deep in your throat. His fingers dug into your back, his fingernails leaving a scratch. 

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean to do that,” he apologized. 

You shook your head, “Don’t apologize. Hell, if you did it again, I’d thank you.”

He snickered, “Too damn good for me.”

You kissed him and his legs wrapped around you, encouraging you to go deeper and deeper. Muscle memory kicked in and you soon managed to find his prostate, passing over the sensitive spot with each thrust of your hips. He kissed you feverishly, letting out slews of both curses and praises. He cried out as the pleasure grew and grew, unable to bite back the moans that tore from his mouth. 

“God, harder, please,” he begged and you did what he asked, slowing down slightly from the rhythm you set, but going deeper and harder with each individual piston. His nails dug into you again, his legs squeezing as you buried your face in his neck.

He reached between your sweat-slicked bodies and began to stroke himself with abandon. It felt amazing to be so careless and loud, a relief from the constant stress that being without privacy brought. He was absolutely stunning and the sounds he was making alone was enough to make the coil grow tighter and tighter in your belly. 

“I wanna feel you finish,” you told him, “Wanna feel you tighten around me.”

“I’m so damn close,” he groaned. “Just- ah, fuck.”

You lost yourself as you felt him tighten around you. He began to pump his own spunk from himself, it painting his lower stomach. He sent you over the edge and you finished inside of him, feeling yourself slosh inside his tight hole. His grip loosened and his legs fell back at your sides, though his knees stayed bent as he wanted to keep the contact. He continued to hug you, his grip just changing, holding you now and not clinging to you. You gave yourself a minute to recoup before pulling out, both of you letting out a little groan at the loss of contact. You sat up and grabbed the hankie at the table and cleaned him up, letting him relax as you did the work.

“Never heard you curse like that before,” you smirked.

“Save it for when I’m feeling particularly passionate,” he replied cheekily. 

You giggled to yourself, an odd sense of pride washing over you and a smile came over his face, “Don’t go getting a big head now.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” you replied. “Still kinda impressed,” you said under your breath. 

He let out another chuckle and pulled you down as you tossed the dirty rag away. 

“I love you,” he whispered, smile still clear on his face, “Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying that.”

“Sure as hell won’t get tired of hearing it,” you said before plopping down and cuddling with him. “Love you more than anything.”

He pulled the blanket up and you stayed in bed, enjoying the quiet and passing a cigarette back and forth just as you had done a few nights ago. It was such a massive change in those few nights. He had practically made your life do a 180 in less than a week. Oh, how you were in deep, but there was no reason to try and hide that anymore. You rested easy knowing all the nights you spent longing weren’t for nothing.

You’d never moved so fast or so slow with someone. It was hard to gauge considering just how long you had waited for him, but in the span of a few days, you went from just friends to far, far more. 

“I don’t think I wanna do anything today,” he said earnestly. “I think we need a day of nothing.”

“Well, I certainly won’t object,” you replied. “You know I’d never deny a day off. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, darlin’.”

“When did you know?”

“Know what,” he asked back.

“That, erm, that this was what you wanted. That what we had was, y’ know, more than just usual.”

“To be quite honest,” he started, “Not long after we picked you up. I saw the little things you did to try to get on my good side, but really, you could’ve been a right asshole and I still would’ve been a little sweet on you. You’ve got this way about you, my dear, I don’t know what it is but you’re just… amazing. I mean that. When we started talking more I guess it became clearer that I couldn’t let it go, us just being buddies.”

“Did you expect anything the night you came into my tent,” you asked.

“Not a thing,” he replied, “Though I guess I came to your tent because I wanted to be with you, not because of proximity, considering Dutch and John are both set up closer. But, besides the point.” His tone grew more serious, shifting lower in his chest, “I came to you because the rain makes me think of you. I know how you like to watch the trees blow.” 

You were at a loss for words. He really did know you better than anyone else in the world could ever hope to. He wasn’t exaggerating when he said he’d wanted it for a long time and that was something that would have to sink in. He was amazing in every way and somehow, in some mysterious way, you managed to land him. 

“You’re the only one who knows that,” you said, seeming almost dumbfounded. 

“And I might be the only one who ever will. How I spent so many nights wishing I could just slip into your tent and make things right with you. I always spot you staring up at the leaves in the wind, thought it was just a single instance, but I saw it more and more. You’re like a weather report, always telling me when the rain is coming in. And all those nights I spend out in the rough, every drop of rain from the storm never failed to bring to back to the forefront of my mind, that is, if you ever got a chance to leave it. That spot that I showed you, up in the cliffs, I don’t want to count the amount of days I spent pondering the pros and cons of just growing a set of balls and telling you how I felt.”

“I wasn’t well that night,” you replied, “I was lost in my head and you jumped in and saved me like you always do. I don’t know how you sense when I need something, but you know before I do when I need to talk it out.”

“It’s odd,” he nodded, “It’s like the wind calls me, no matter how silly that sounds. I almost lost my shit when you said you were interested in someone,” he breathed with a sad laugh, “I was so worried you’d lost someone. When you said ‘ he’, oh christ, I barely knew what to do with myself.”

“Well you hide it damn well, I thought you were gonna wallop me.”

“I could never,” he replied, a smile on his face once again. He leaned over you, his hand on your jaw, “No matter the way the wind blows, I’ll be at your side.”

“In it forever, Arthur, know my love is unfaltering.”

His lips met yours, this time sweet. It didn’t last particularly long, but it was another act that you would have to mark off to remember forever. He held you close and lit another smoke, leaning back and taking a deep puff before passing it to you. 

Cigarettes did taste different when you shared with him, you could mark it off with confidence now.


End file.
